My New Mama!

Today is so perfectly awesome! I'm so thankful for everything He's been giving to me. It feels like time flies so fast. On the past two weeks, I was very busy studying so hard for my college exams. Studying in the very early morning was my routines. I just had no enough time if I didn't do that. You might not able to feel how tiring it was, but I feel so content afterwards that I can pass it pretty well.

Well, why did I say today is an awesome day? Hehehe I'm honestly speechless, but I need to write this kind of perfect feeling. Pardon my bad diction then! My man's mom just bought me a pair of beautiful shoes. She intends to give me that shoes so that I can wear it when I have to teach at a school.

This morning, when I had my own show in my radio station, she called and asked me about the size of my shoes. I was surprised that she told me she wanted to buy me a pair of shoes. You know, I am easily touched by such a simple thing! I almost cried, but I didn't think it's appropriate to cry at that time. Hehe. Then I texted my man directly, telling him about that. He just laughed happily. I actually felt a bit uncomfortable with what my man's mom wanted to do, but I had no power to stop what she would do of course :p hahaha

This afternoon I was at my office accomplishing some work. I had a call again and it was from my man's mom again, telling me she had been in front of my office bringing the shoes she just bought. She gave it to me and got home with my man's dad. After being home, she texted me asking how was the shoes? Did they fit me or not? Was I happy or not? Hmm... if only I could tell her how happy I was be by the text I sent accordingly. I just could tell her that I love the shoes so much & thanked her. She also gave me some advice that I have to be punctual in accomplishing my study & I must have a good time management skill! I was very happy knowing she loves and cares about me that much! I just love her a lot!

I compare the shoes as a present for myself for studying so hard lately. This is unbelievable how my man's mom could know what I need, really need. Not what I want. She has helped me to scrimp and save my money for other needs.

Oh my, from the very first time I met her, she had impressed me by the way she treated me! She loves me as if I am her own daughter. As the time goes by, I know so much better that she has been loving, knowing, understanding, and caring about me even more than my own parents. I'm obviously so lucky!

All right, I want to do my best for her. At least I will let her know that I'm so serious about my study as much as her concern about my study as well. I'm happy to have a new mama like her. I love her so much!

Selamat Hari Guru, Pacarku :')

Tanggal 25 November kemaren adalah peringatan hari guru. Dulu sih gak gitu ngaruh ya, paling cuma inget sama guru-guru spesial semasa saya sekolah. Cuman sekarang, berhubung pacar sendiri sudah berprofesi sebagai guru, jadi ada yang beda gitu. Lebih greng! (eh?)

Saya sangat suka berdiskusi & bercerita sama pacar. Kadang dia denger cerita saya tentang kuliah, kerja & kadang kita diskusi tentang berbagai hal yang ingin saya tau. Kalo pas giliran dia yang cerita, dia lebih suka cerita tentang kerjaan dibanding kuliah. Secara skripsinya masih magrok dan saya suka naek pitam kalo keinget itu. Mendidih dan meledak-ledak ujung-ujungnya. Hehehehe. Jadi wajar kalo dia lebih milih main aman dengan cerita tentang kerjaan.

Gak jarang pacar ngeluh soal kerjaannya. Tapi bukan karena dia capek ato kebanyakan kerjaan, atao bahkan soal gaji. Justru tentang mental para guru di sekolahnya yang seringkali gak manusiawi dan gak punya empati. Sebenernya, tanpa pacar bercerita panjang lebar, saya sudah bisa menilai dan menyimpulkan. Jadi pacar saya itu gak gampang. Saya pun mungkin gak bakal kuat.

Setau saya, jadi guru itu enak. Berangkat pagi jam 7 dan pulang paling pol jam 2. Setelah itu, pekerjaan-pekerjaan administratif lain bisa diselesaikan di rumah dengan santai. Tapi pacar saya kok ngoyo banget ya. Emang sih, pacar saya bukan PNS, tapi cuma guru honorer dengan gaji yang luar biasa minim. Wajar ya kalo gak bisa sesantai guru-guru yang udah PNS, tapi kok kerjaan yang dikasih menurut saya gak manusiawi.

Beberapa minggu yang lalu saya sempat marah-marah karena pacar hampir setiap hari pulang dari sekolah sehabis isya. Saya curiga dia cuma nongkrong sama temen-temen sesama honorer, maen PS, ketawa-ketiwi sambil ngerokok, pokoknya buang-buang waktu semata. Ternyata memang dia kerja. Mulai dari ngurusin ekskul dan lomba-lomba, kerjaan-kerjaan administratif, sampe latihan band buat lomba.

Hmmpphh.. Beberapa kali saya dengan hati-hati nanya ke pacar apa gak ada niatan buat keluar. Atas pertimbangan kuliah yang harus segera diselesaikan, saya rasa pacar lebih baik berhenti ngajar dulu dan fokus nyelesein skripsi. Tapi dia selalu menolak dan meyakinkan kalo skripsi akan selesai tepat waktu. Dia selalu bilang kalo diantara sekian banyak alasan buat keluar dari sekolahnya, ada satu alasan yang bikin dia pengen tetap bertahan; murid-muridnya. Ya, dia sayang sama murid-muridnya, yang biasa dia sebut sahabat-sahabatnya. Saya hampir nangis dengernya. Mungkin saya tidak akan pernah tau seperti apa rasanya, dan mungkin saya akan menganggap alasan pacar saya itu klise. Tapi saya tau dia gak bohong dan dia serius.

Dalam hati saya sangat senang dengan pilihan pacar saya. Bukan harta, bukan jabatan, bukan nama, tapi soal hati dan ketenangan yang dia dapet gak akan pernah tergantikan. Guru seharusnya seperti ini. Saya tau, pacar saya bukan guru yang sempurna, tapi saya juga tau kalo dia layak disebut sebagai pahlawan tanpa tanda jasa. Saya sangat mencintainya.

A Supporter in Vain

It's irritating to say that I feel so frustrated today. I don't like this; arriving home with a lot of tears rolling down on my cheeks. The word that exactly represents my feeling right now is: PATHETIC! Well, I must explode what I feel NOW!

Ever since 2010, life felt more colorful because I found the one that was always there to support me and to be supported by me all at once. Yea, he's my current man. He listened to every good suggestion I gave and he even changed some his bad habits. Of course, I was very happy for every great change. But, as the time goes by, he was accepted as a teacher in a very well-known elementary school in town. I was so proud for sure! And I thought that he really deserved that. Yet,, he turned to be a super busy boy.

To be honest, I feel that time flies so fast. Now, he's already on the 9th semester. You know, an undergraduate student should accomplish his/her study in four years. But what happen with my man? Too bad to say that I DON"T KNOW!!!!

As my concern so far, I've been supporting him wholeheartedly. It sometimes ended up in a fight though. He always says that he has loads of work to do at school. Okay, I admit that, but I think this is only a matter of longing. As long as he's willing, I believe that it can be accomplished so soon. Oh yea, and it's also a matter of life priority that depends only on himself. I don't wanna blame him, really. But, this one gets me into a bad feeling when everyone around me asks about my man's study. I feel so in vain, I feel I'm failed. Unfortunately, I can't also find how to support him appropriately, without getting him angry, without hurting his heart, without making him feel he's forced.

Well, I don't know the answer, but I don't wanna surrender! All I know is just, I have to pray to God, asking for his help. Yea, let's see what will happen!

Crying

What do you think about crying?
Do you think it shows insecurity, weakness or defeat?

Well, I don't think so..
For me, crying is healing..
I do feel that crying is the perfect expression of shouting my feeling..
Sometimes, I feel a thing that I can't verbally say..
Sometimes, I feel a thing that can't be represented by words at all..
Something, I feel a thing that is difficult to express..
When it comes to such a circumstance, all I always do is just.. crying..
It can also be about both sadness and happiness..

If somebody would like to kindly count how many times I've cried in my whole life,
I bet it must be more than the number of my strands of my hair..

Don't ever blame me just because I cry very often..
It doesn't always mean that I'm miserable..
It just means I have no clue about what the more perfect expression than crying is..

An Interesting Assignment

Today isn't my off day, but I just had lots of time to do some of my favorite things. I just watched three films that inspire me much. Once I'd done watching those films, I did my writing assignment. It must be submitted tomorrow. Well, I just like when it comes to writing assignments. It gives me a great way to say my thought in written forms. This week, I had to make a paragraph of my personal arguments about anything. Here is what I wrote for my assignment: 

Smoking is not Good

I just do not understand why people like smoking. Seriously, I do not really see that there is any advantage of doing such a thing. Well, some of them may argue that it shows they are mature. It might be true, but doing such a think means that the way they think is not mature though. I believe that there is nothing good about smoking. First, it is clearly a waste of money. Cigarettes are not cheap. Everybody must know it. Then, it is also dangerous for someone's health. Experts have proven that smoking causes lung cancer. It is even typed clearly all in capital on the pack of cigarettes. So, from my personal point of view, it does not make any sense at all to buy something pricey that is dangerous for your health. Not to mention, maturity is not something to do with smoking, it is about how we think sensibly about ourselves and our lives.

That's what I wrote. I'm waiting for other interesting assignments. I don't even care if I'm overwhelmed by all my assignments when all of them are interesting :D

English Debate Society

Woohoo! Today is perfectly a splendid day! This morning, my friends and I had a presentation about English Debate Society (EDS) in front of the third semester students. Don't know why I was so excited to do it. I had to talk a lot and persuade as many as possible students to join our society. One part that I like the most of the presentation is when I had to tell my own experience of being a member of EDS. It's just because I'm the real evidence that EDS is good for them. Well, this is what I told to them:

"I used to be so bad in English. I was even very shy to sing my thought out in front of the class although I'm actually such a critical student. Joining EDS was so scary at first that I met many people that were very fluent speaking English, I thought. I was not confident at all. Everytime they asked me to speak, all I did was only refusing. Yet, I don't know when it literally happened, but I magically turned to be gradually so much better in English. Moreover, I turned to be more confident to speak in front of the class. Well, I'm still nervous when I have to speak in English in front of many people now, but I'm also able to handle this feeling pretty well. Now, you can see that I can speak English even though I still make some mistakes. It really doesn't matter at all because in EDS we have so many friends that will gladly help us, evaluate our speaking skill, support each other, encourage mentally, and most importantly, we learn to speak in English together. EDS truly affects me a lot."

 That's what I said to them and that's what I honestly feel. My friend, Ali, even told them that by joining EDS, there will be so many advantages we get, including money $_$ hahaha... He took some of my experiences as the examples. I was asked to be the MC of Magelang Anniversary Celebration Party and I had to use English. He also said that I was also asked to be the moderator of a workshop held by U.S Embassy. And the guest was an American Independent Movie Director, Mustava Davis. 

Oh my, I was touched to know that they notice my achievements. Before having such a presentation, I don't think too deeply about EDS effects to me, but now, I frankly admit that it really affects me. Oh yea, EDS also affects me psychologically that I don't want to be worse in English than my friends. It makes me believe that I can speak English well through studying English harder. 

Okay, I promise I will maintain EDS like mad :D Being a part of it is such an honor for me. Hopefully, those who have decided to join us can also get advantages that I've got. Wish me had enough time to join it regularly! And people, please keep the inspiration going !!!!!! ;))))

I'm in Love

"When I'm loved by the boy that I love, it gives me the best feeling."

I'm in a good mood today. Starting the day by going to the office at 5 a.m and going back home at 6 a.m then I was having fun with my stuff on the internet. Just so you know, I love to browse through the internet and look for good articles. I'm obsessed to read as much as possible writings. That's the way how I learn English easily and interestingly.

After spending four hours in front of the computer, I decided to take a nap. But suddenly, my man came to my house. Of course, I can't (and actually won't ever) ignore him. Yesterday I didn't meet him at all, so I had been overwhelmed by the feeling that I really missed him. As usual, he never fails to comfort me with his jokes and his innocent face. How I love both !!!

Until I started to have a conversation about my school financial problem. It hasn't been solved yet and I'm depressed about that. I was out of control telling him what I was deeply feeling. He listened and stared at me. I know he didn't even miss a word at all. When it was over, he started to help me looking for a solution. He said that I'm too obsessed about money and it's not good for me. Okay, we do need money, of course. But when we are too obsessed, it will only drive us to a disappointment because this is not our duty to earn money. He meant that what humans have to do is just striving and praying for the best, that's all! He also said that I have to be positive in seeing something. He's been thinking that I've tended to be too negative and pessimistic. And I got to start to change that. He teaches me to be more positive and grateful.

Don't know why I feel like I'm in love with him again. He doesn't talk too much, but he knows when he should talk and what he should talk about. This is what I had not got from my ex-men, the ability to save me, comfort me, cherish me, and simply love me. He might be not very intelligent, but he's very much sincere and kindhearted. Ow yea, and he's the only boy that makes me change my mind about boy. Happiness doesn't always come from having a clever boy (as I've hoped to date a clever boy), but it's everywhere. Even it's hidden behind ugliness, stupidity, and imperfection.

Love xx :*